How to win friends and influence people-Part One

How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie is one of the best books which I read in my engineering days. Just felt like reading the book again. This book tells about how to increase one’s ability to deal with people. It’s all about human relations. Building a business is nothing but building the relations.

The concept in the book is explained in four parts. Part one is all about fundamental techniques in handling people. Part two is about six ways in making people like you. Part three is about how to win people to your way of thinking. Part four is all about how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment. I will try my best to list out some good points in each part.

Part One: Fundamental techniques in handling people:-
1. If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive- Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. F.Skinner, the world famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans.

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by proud and vanity. The principle here is “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain”.

2. The big secret of dealing with people- The deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important”. In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy. Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit. The principle here is “Give honest and sincere appreciation”.

3. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way- The only way to earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. “If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation. I guess this concept we will learn in negotiation subject at ISB. The principle here is “Arouse in the person an eager want.”

Happy sriramanavami to everyone :-)